After propelling the Colorado Rockies to late-season success that fell short of a World Series championship, Jesus Christ left the Rockies this afternoon.
Repeated Christ: "I died for their sins, and they can't win me one World Series fucking ballgame?"
Christ reserved his harshest criticism for manager Clint Hurdle. Hurdle, Christ said, "lacks zeal."
"Clint Hurdle is lucky he's in fucking baseball," said Christ.
Though primarily irate, Christ sprinkled in jokes and self-critique, noting that "this is what I get" for pinning hopes on "some cocksucker named Troy Tulowitzki."
Following in the footsteps of Alex Rodriguez, Christ will opt-out of his contract with the Rockies, meaning he is now a free agent. Scott Boras, Jesus' agent, expects the savior to garner a lucrative contract. But Christ himself declined to discuss his future, simply repeating that he was sure Tulowitzki is homosexual.
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2 comments:
He had nothing to say about Papelbon?
Christ had only praise for Papelbon, calling him "fun."
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