The Sox Shop Tokyo

From Tokyo, Kevin Youkilis reports: "We just tried to look for stuff, but we really didn't buy much because we found out it's very expensive. We saw a lot of stuff that we can get in the States for cheaper. Hopefully we'll get a chance to get some Japanese culture stuff later on in the trip."

It's the Boston Red Sox and they can't afford to buy anything in Japan? Did anyone tell Kevin Youkilis that the $40,000 stipend each player (and coach) got for this trip is equal to like 1.5 billion trillion bazillion yen? And that the prices of things, while large in number, are also in yen? Meaning that things really aren't so much? And affordable on a $40-fucking-god-damn-000 week's stipend, on top of their preexisting fucking tremendous salary? What are the Red Sox shopping for?

Youkilis: Manny, we've got to get this. A beautiful geisha, with a Blu-Ray player coming out of her vagina.

Ramirez: Naw, man, we can get that shit for cheap back home.

The Sox are Screwed

After all, you can't lose the best baseball player ever and still expect to succeed.

Manny Ramirez, Possibly Not Very Intellectual

Not since Germany last invaded Poland has the news been so troubling. MLB reports that Manny Ramirez has changed. This year he is eating vegetables, meditating, and reading The Secret, a New Age motivational book that renders Ramirez one notch away from the final descent into Scientology:

"I like it. I don't need to read a whole book to know what it's about. It's about this," he said, pointing to his head. "It's about what you want. If I come to you and tell you I want to take you to my house and cook you a steak, then you'll know. Because what it is is if you think positive stuff, all the positive stuff is going to come to you. Making things happen for yourself. Hey, that's what it's all about. If you said to yourself, 'Oh, I'm tired today, brother.' Then you're going to be tired all day. That's it. That's what it's all about."

Manny goes on to affirm that all he does is read while, at the same time, not reading: "That's all I do is read, read, read, read, read . . . I love it. I haven't finished [the book yet], but I don't need to. I love it. I already know what it's all about."

The Boston Red Sox will finish in last place.

Greg Mankiw Flaunts His Douchebaggery For Us All

From Greg Mankiw's blog: "The best sentence . . . I have read so far today is from Brian Hollar: 'I was talking with a professor here at GMU and another PhD student recently and all three of us agreed that after earning all the advanced degrees, nearly everything you ultimately use in economics, you learn in Mankiw.'"

I was talking with some of my ex-girlfriends recently and all of them agreed that after fucking a number of other men, they realized that fucking me was the only real sexual experience they've ever had, thanks to my massive cock and expert technique, and from now on they never need to fuck again, only to think of me pounding them in every orifice.