Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Hold On, Twins!

Before you, Twins, sign on the dotted line--trading probably the best pitcher in baseball for an outfielder and three pitching prospects, the centerpiece being 18 years old, an age at which he might become a quite fine ballplayer or might instead run off with his girlfriend of three months to live out the rest of his days amongst the Bushmen of the Kalahari--please consider my offer.

For Johan Santana, I will deliver a you "grab bag" of eight young, male Cuban refugees. There's a decent chance a few of them could go on to play ball.

I'm not sure how I'll get them in the country. And I don't yet have a baseball team. For Johan Santana, I can figure out the details. As long as you're giving away Santana for youths brimming with verve--though perhaps not facial hair--you've got to like my offer over the Mets' mere four-prospect deal. For every Met, you would get two fresh Cubans. If you drive a hard bargain, I'll make sure they really look like ballplayers.