Tuesday, July 29, 2008
"Colon sees light at end of tunnel"
I'll bet you $1,000,000,000 trillion dollars, and the lives of all my relatives, distant as well as close, but especially close, that that MLB.com headline writer, having experienced (no less than generated) an effusion of creative genius equaled in music only by late-period Beethoven and in literature only by post-prison Dostoyevsky, thought up that cutie months ago and has since had it ready to deploy, quivering in its fully taut bow, awaiting the first sign of healing by the prostrate lower back of the Red Sox' fat backup plan. I mean, god damn, if my job were to think up headlines for Bartolo Colon news (if only!), I'd be prepped for every scenario short of alien invasion. Aliens Probe Colon. Make that, every scenario, without exception.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Is it Fair to Consider Home Run Derby Perfomance in MVP Deliberations?
Because that was super-awesome.
Monday, July 7, 2008
David Simon Doesn't Suffer Fools Gladly And In Fact Kicks Fools' Asses
It's good to see a person you like affirm the value of a thing you love and revile someone you hate. To wit: this interview with David Simon, co-creator of The Wire, in which Simon expresses a great passion for and knowledge of baseball and a fantastic loathing of toad-like commissioner-extraordinaire Bud "Exposing My Penis Would Actually Be More Merciful Than Making You Look At My Face" Selig. (My nickname, not Simon's, though perhaps I should be going for maximum ambiguity on this.) I bring you the fantastic-hatred part:
"But let me say this about the official side of Major League Baseball: They can kiss my pale, white ass. Seriously. Although that sequence reflected in no negative way on baseball itself -- a reporter was making up a story about a handicapped fan for his own benefit -- MLB considered our request to film on stadium property and use MLB logos and then denied the request. Unless our drama pretty much exalts baseball as the greatest game ever played by the greatest bunch of people ever to play a game, MLB will not allow the use of its logos or facilities in any act of storytelling. I find this cowardly and venal and offensive. A game that claims to be the national pastime should be confident enough and respectful enough of independent storytelling to allow itself to be seen within the context of ordinary American life. The script that we showed to MLB said nothing at all negative about the game itself; it showed a reporter being dishonest. But even that dynamic was too scary for the gutless, lawyerly humps who surround the commissioner's office. Apparently, baseball can only be depicted as a part of American life when it is glorified or marketed in the most wholesome manner. Pro football is just as bad by the way, but I somehow expect more integrity of baseball in such matters, given that it seeks to hold such an elemental claim on the American experience. So we shot the sequence anyway, just off the stadium grounds on Conway Street. And, lo and behold, those interviewed by the reporter -- in the revised shooting script anyway -- trashed Bud Selig for the steroid scandals and other foibles. And later in the run, during one of the newspaper's budget meetings, the steroid mess is revised with another dollop of disrespect for the commissioner's inaction heaped on top. Did MLB do better or worse for its wimpery? Hey, when you try to control everything, you control nothing."
"But let me say this about the official side of Major League Baseball: They can kiss my pale, white ass. Seriously. Although that sequence reflected in no negative way on baseball itself -- a reporter was making up a story about a handicapped fan for his own benefit -- MLB considered our request to film on stadium property and use MLB logos and then denied the request. Unless our drama pretty much exalts baseball as the greatest game ever played by the greatest bunch of people ever to play a game, MLB will not allow the use of its logos or facilities in any act of storytelling. I find this cowardly and venal and offensive. A game that claims to be the national pastime should be confident enough and respectful enough of independent storytelling to allow itself to be seen within the context of ordinary American life. The script that we showed to MLB said nothing at all negative about the game itself; it showed a reporter being dishonest. But even that dynamic was too scary for the gutless, lawyerly humps who surround the commissioner's office. Apparently, baseball can only be depicted as a part of American life when it is glorified or marketed in the most wholesome manner. Pro football is just as bad by the way, but I somehow expect more integrity of baseball in such matters, given that it seeks to hold such an elemental claim on the American experience. So we shot the sequence anyway, just off the stadium grounds on Conway Street. And, lo and behold, those interviewed by the reporter -- in the revised shooting script anyway -- trashed Bud Selig for the steroid scandals and other foibles. And later in the run, during one of the newspaper's budget meetings, the steroid mess is revised with another dollop of disrespect for the commissioner's inaction heaped on top. Did MLB do better or worse for its wimpery? Hey, when you try to control everything, you control nothing."
When Idiots Attack II
On a serious note, this is awful. A New England man suspected a guy with New York license plates of being a Yankees fan, so, naturally, he beat him with a metal baseball bat. The victim is now being hospitalized (and for the record doesn't like baseball that much). The incident follows a Sox-Yanks altercation in May in which a 43-year-old Yankees fan ran her car into taunting Sox fans, leaving one dead, another injured, and herself charged with second-degree murder.
These perpetrators were probably drunk, but assaulting fans of a rival baseball team shouldn't even be a drunk urge. I mean, there's a reasonable case to be made -- unpersuasive to me, but reasonable -- that it's pathetic to care as much as I do about teams composed of players I don't personally know, to whom I have no attachment beyond the mere coincidence that I live where they play. To physically attack someone for being a Yankees fan or a Sox fan, or for owning license plates from a neighboring state, home to the largest city in the world, is total fuck madness. Both organizations should consider addressing the issue.
Whew. Okay. That was no fun. Let's see. Hmm. Curt Schilling is rotund like a state capitol.
Better.
These perpetrators were probably drunk, but assaulting fans of a rival baseball team shouldn't even be a drunk urge. I mean, there's a reasonable case to be made -- unpersuasive to me, but reasonable -- that it's pathetic to care as much as I do about teams composed of players I don't personally know, to whom I have no attachment beyond the mere coincidence that I live where they play. To physically attack someone for being a Yankees fan or a Sox fan, or for owning license plates from a neighboring state, home to the largest city in the world, is total fuck madness. Both organizations should consider addressing the issue.
Whew. Okay. That was no fun. Let's see. Hmm. Curt Schilling is rotund like a state capitol.
Better.
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