Bonzai

First Pearl Harbor. Now Dice-K.

How much bombing from Japan is this country going to take?

Truly, if the CIA had forced senior al Qaeda detainees to watch Daisuke Matsuzaka throw 100+ pitches in 5 innings, allowing 12 baserunners, serving up 690 wild pitches, all while wiggling his ass like an earthworm on a fish hook, Osama would have been toast on 9/12.

But to the detainees, it would have felt like forever.

Travesty

You're a baseball announcer. How do you ruin back-to-back-to-back home runs? Right here. It comes naturally if you're John Asshat Sterling.

No amount of waterboarding could ever suffice to punish the use of the term "Swish-a-licious." But by golly we should try.

Naturally

Yesterday Bartolo Colon left the game after five innings with an upset stomach.