Monday, April 28, 2008
Fuck You Tom Verducci, Redux
Sorry, but I couldn't resist: I can't ever remember Bonds being close to this much of a dick towards his teammates. This isn't the first time Wagner has been an insufferable ass, and it doubtlessly won't be the last. I am patiently waiting the first sportswriter to call for the release of this clubhouse cancer.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Really?
Look, John Smoltz is a great pitcher, probably one of the top 40-50 in baseball history, and reaching 3000 K's is a pretty impressive accomplishment, even if strikeout numbers have been historically high over Smoltz's career. Still. isn't this headline a bit much? I mean, surely no one thinks Smoltz is "greater" than this guy or this guy or this guy, right?
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Doug Mirabelli, Don't Think You're Special, Because You Suck
As the Red Sox were going through introductions, they wen[t] through the catchers, finishing with Doug Mirabelli. Mirabelli, wearing a black shirt and dark coat, rather than the uniforms worn by the rest, got a big ovation, turned and saluted the crowd. He then got his ring, and walked back into the dugout, instead of going to stand in the infield with the other members of the current Red Sox. (Boston Globe)
Doug Mirabelli, you stink. Bad. Your OBP last year, .278, would have been merely decent as a batting average. No one whose opinion is worth caring about cares about you. So spare us further demonstrations, retreat to Back Bay or wherever the fuck, and see if you can't use your shiny new World Series ring—which you got because you wound up on the same team as David Ortiz, Manny Ramirez, and Josh Beckett—to seduce skeezie middle-aged women for whom orthodonture is something they heard of, once, but don't remember what it means.
Doug Mirabelli, you stink. Bad. Your OBP last year, .278, would have been merely decent as a batting average. No one whose opinion is worth caring about cares about you. So spare us further demonstrations, retreat to Back Bay or wherever the fuck, and see if you can't use your shiny new World Series ring—which you got because you wound up on the same team as David Ortiz, Manny Ramirez, and Josh Beckett—to seduce skeezie middle-aged women for whom orthodonture is something they heard of, once, but don't remember what it means.
Red Sox Roundup
Headline: "Colon to be examined tomorrow."
Curt Schilling lists his own charity website as being http://www.curt'spitch.org/ even though websites can't have apostrophes.
Girls in pink Red Sox hats but are also pretty sane—if you exist, you don't want to read this. Jacoby Ellsbury was raised a Mormon. Primarily Baseball will enshrine in its illustrious Hall of Fame the first fan who proves whether Ellsbury dons Mormon underwear but who—this is crucial—doesn't tell us how the proof was obtained.
Curt Schilling lists his own charity website as being http://www.curt'spitch.org/ even though websites can't have apostrophes.
Girls in pink Red Sox hats but are also pretty sane—if you exist, you don't want to read this. Jacoby Ellsbury was raised a Mormon. Primarily Baseball will enshrine in its illustrious Hall of Fame the first fan who proves whether Ellsbury dons Mormon underwear but who—this is crucial—doesn't tell us how the proof was obtained.
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