Regarding Red Sox contract negotiations with Jason Varitek:
"Epstein and Scott Boras are far apart on Jason Varitek's monetary value. Boras is looking for a Jorge Posada-type deal (4 years, $52 million). The Sox are . . . "
. . . wondering whether Scott Boras is out of his fucking mind. A Jorge Posada-type deal? Not even Jorge Posada is worth that money. Varitek will be lucky to get 2 years, $16 million, in my view. Well, he would be. Because even to enter negotiations peddling such an insane fantasy is an insult to Theo Epstein, the Red Sox organization, Red Sox nation, unborn future fans, freedom, rationality, and global fucking god damn justice.
Showing posts with label TekWatch. Show all posts
Showing posts with label TekWatch. Show all posts
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
TekWatch: Working Class Hero Scott Boras Speaks Out
Jason Varitek's agent Scott Boras has begun to lay out the case that Tek is a valuable catcher. Pull up a chair, preferably with a solid back, and feel the bullshit seep into your pores:
"If you think about his physical conditioning, he's got many more years to play in this game," Boras said. "When he's out there, this club is decisively different. You're really talking about a guy that is inherently valuable. In this day and time, what is a player like that worth?"
Let's take these claims in turn.
If you think about his physical conditioning, he's got many more years to play in this game.
If I think about Curt Schilling's or Cecil Fielder's physical conditioning, those players should never have played the game. If I think about Barry Bonds's physical conditioning, Bonds should be DH'ing right now in the World Series. If, however, I think about actual baseball ability -- the, you know, important thing -- Jason Varitek's not looking so hot. After posting OPS+ numbers around 120 from 2003 to 2005, Tek sunk to 83 in 2006, 103 in 2007, and a miserable 73 this year, at age 36. That's good evidence he's on a serious and irreversable decline.
When he's out there, this club is decisively different.
Unprovable, but here's the evidence the Globe presented: "Over the past three seasons, including playoffs, the Red Sox have a .596 winning percentage in games in which Varitek has appeared and a .508 winning percentage when he did not. This season, the Red Sox went 78-53 with him in the regular season, 17-14 without him." Tek doesn't catch Tim Wakefield, who is the fourth or fifth starter on the Sox. And the catcher who replaces Tek is the backup, who ought to be worse than the alternative everyday player a team could get on the market. Demonstrated Tek effect: 0.
You're really talking about a guy that is inherently valuable.
Unclear what Boras has in mind that's not completely trivial. Jason Varitek, by virtue of being human, is endowed with instrinsic value? Maybe, but you'd have to square his entitlement to human rights with his lone hit in the ALCS, or his frequent swinging strikeouts in which bat and ball are separated by enough space to fit families of cattle from the Argentine pampas.
In this day and time, what is a player like that worth?
Put it this way: I'd start auctioning Tek's beard-clippings on eBay.
"If you think about his physical conditioning, he's got many more years to play in this game," Boras said. "When he's out there, this club is decisively different. You're really talking about a guy that is inherently valuable. In this day and time, what is a player like that worth?"
Let's take these claims in turn.
If you think about his physical conditioning, he's got many more years to play in this game.
If I think about Curt Schilling's or Cecil Fielder's physical conditioning, those players should never have played the game. If I think about Barry Bonds's physical conditioning, Bonds should be DH'ing right now in the World Series. If, however, I think about actual baseball ability -- the, you know, important thing -- Jason Varitek's not looking so hot. After posting OPS+ numbers around 120 from 2003 to 2005, Tek sunk to 83 in 2006, 103 in 2007, and a miserable 73 this year, at age 36. That's good evidence he's on a serious and irreversable decline.
When he's out there, this club is decisively different.
Unprovable, but here's the evidence the Globe presented: "Over the past three seasons, including playoffs, the Red Sox have a .596 winning percentage in games in which Varitek has appeared and a .508 winning percentage when he did not. This season, the Red Sox went 78-53 with him in the regular season, 17-14 without him." Tek doesn't catch Tim Wakefield, who is the fourth or fifth starter on the Sox. And the catcher who replaces Tek is the backup, who ought to be worse than the alternative everyday player a team could get on the market. Demonstrated Tek effect: 0.
You're really talking about a guy that is inherently valuable.
Unclear what Boras has in mind that's not completely trivial. Jason Varitek, by virtue of being human, is endowed with instrinsic value? Maybe, but you'd have to square his entitlement to human rights with his lone hit in the ALCS, or his frequent swinging strikeouts in which bat and ball are separated by enough space to fit families of cattle from the Argentine pampas.
In this day and time, what is a player like that worth?
Put it this way: I'd start auctioning Tek's beard-clippings on eBay.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
TekWatch: If 1 + 1 Is A Positive Integer, David Ortiz Is More Valuable Than Jason Varitek
The Boston Globe's Nick Cafardo, today, on David Ortiz's injury: "Will the Sox miss a massive force like Ortiz? Of course. He and RamÃrez are the top power hitters in the lineup. But the player who has proven toughest to lose from the lineup is Jason Varitek."
Cafardo's would-be reasoning is that Varitek is a good pitch-caller. Cafardo declines to provide evidence of this pitch-calling skill or to clarify how such skill would make one the most difficult to lose from a lineup, especially when one is nearly the worst hitter on that lineup, which contains one of the best hitters ever and -- oh yes -- David Ortiz, who frequently gets more total bases in a game than Jason Varitek got throughout high school (both senses).
The Boston Globe's Nick Cafardo Sr., August 1945, on the war: "Will the Japanese miss Nagasaki? Sure. It and Hiroshima are two populous cities. But the thing that would be toughest to lose is the emperor's favorite midget eunuch trapeze artist, Taki the No-Testes Clown, whose determined labors and trimmed beard unite the working classes in fealty to the empire."
Cafardo's would-be reasoning is that Varitek is a good pitch-caller. Cafardo declines to provide evidence of this pitch-calling skill or to clarify how such skill would make one the most difficult to lose from a lineup, especially when one is nearly the worst hitter on that lineup, which contains one of the best hitters ever and -- oh yes -- David Ortiz, who frequently gets more total bases in a game than Jason Varitek got throughout high school (both senses).
The Boston Globe's Nick Cafardo Sr., August 1945, on the war: "Will the Japanese miss Nagasaki? Sure. It and Hiroshima are two populous cities. But the thing that would be toughest to lose is the emperor's favorite midget eunuch trapeze artist, Taki the No-Testes Clown, whose determined labors and trimmed beard unite the working classes in fealty to the empire."
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
TekWatch: No Hittahs
Following Jon Lestah's no-no, commentators have lauded Jason Varitek for being first to catch four no-hitters. It's TekWatch's responsibility to make two points:
1. How far is Jason Varitek responsible for a no-hit performance? Depite the furor over Curt Schilling's waving off Varitek before giving up the single that broke up his no-hit bid last year, Lester said he waved off Varitek several times in the ninth inning alone. That said, Varitek has a photographic memory and studies hard, the New York Times reports, although part of the Times's evidence is ostensible sarcasm from Johnny Damon: "I always thought Varitek was amazing — the way he calls a game, the way he prepares, the way he carries around the luggage."
2. Varitek ruined Schilling's no-hit bid last year, tipping pitches to the Athletics' Shannon Stewart, who landed the A's only hit with two out in the ninth. Why? The proof and the motive are one and the same. After every no-hitter he catches, Tek hoists the pitcher high into the air, holding him there so all can see the face of triumph. But, Tek obviously realized, attempting to hoist Curt Schilling, with his marshmallow midsection, could end in embarrassing failure and career-ending injury, if not total paralysis. In tipping off Stewart, Varitek did the only thing he in good conscience could. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how rumors get started.
From everyone at TekWatch, congrats, Jason. You'll always be our Working Class Hero.
1. How far is Jason Varitek responsible for a no-hit performance? Depite the furor over Curt Schilling's waving off Varitek before giving up the single that broke up his no-hit bid last year, Lester said he waved off Varitek several times in the ninth inning alone. That said, Varitek has a photographic memory and studies hard, the New York Times reports, although part of the Times's evidence is ostensible sarcasm from Johnny Damon: "I always thought Varitek was amazing — the way he calls a game, the way he prepares, the way he carries around the luggage."
2. Varitek ruined Schilling's no-hit bid last year, tipping pitches to the Athletics' Shannon Stewart, who landed the A's only hit with two out in the ninth. Why? The proof and the motive are one and the same. After every no-hitter he catches, Tek hoists the pitcher high into the air, holding him there so all can see the face of triumph. But, Tek obviously realized, attempting to hoist Curt Schilling, with his marshmallow midsection, could end in embarrassing failure and career-ending injury, if not total paralysis. In tipping off Stewart, Varitek did the only thing he in good conscience could. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how rumors get started.
From everyone at TekWatch, congrats, Jason. You'll always be our Working Class Hero.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
TekWatch: Avast Ye Matey
I cannot construct a sentence about this picture in my own mind without a Katrina of laughter demolishing the effort.So here's a stream of consciousness, Ulysses-style word association about the captain-on-captain action:
- homosexual
- homosexual
- not that there's anything wrong with it
- okay there does appear to be something wrong with it in this context what with the hooks and swords and tek's opportunity to use any new tricks on papelbon
- really very homosexual
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
TekWatch: Tek Cleans
Tek finally shows his true worth: as a cleaner of lockers, not to mention a wearer of sweaters that are wrong at any price.
Maybe that's why teammates love him. I'd have no problem telling others about the preternatural pitch-calling ability, or really whatever, of anyone who cleaned up my shit every day.
Actually, I would pay her slightly below minimum wage and ignore her lack of green card until she stole something I cared about. But still.
Maybe that's why teammates love him. I'd have no problem telling others about the preternatural pitch-calling ability, or really whatever, of anyone who cleaned up my shit every day.
Actually, I would pay her slightly below minimum wage and ignore her lack of green card until she stole something I cared about. But still.
Friday, October 26, 2007
TekWatch: Profiling Tek, Working Class Hero
It didn’t take long this postseason for the Tek Kool-Aid to look good and sugary. Let’s get to it.
Careful readers always check MLB.com’s ample footnotes; the one here clarifies that “heart of the order” means below the heart of the order, near the tubes that discharge excrement like Julio Lugo.
When Josh Beckett arrived at Spring Training this season, coming off a disappointing 2006, he was asked if there was a lesson he learned that he could convey to the newcomer of this year, Daisuke Mastuzaka. "If I could tell Matsuzaka anything, it would be, 'Trust 'Tek’”….All that trust later, Beckett had a dominant regular season, winning 20 games, and his brilliant postseason work has fueled the Red Sox to the World Series. It further exemplifies the type of things that can happen when pitchers put their faith in their so-called "guide."
After all those binders, Varitek realized in 2007 that Josh Beckett should once in a while throw one of those shit-kicking curveballs he, you know, has in his arsenal of pitches. Tek’s a little slow, but so methodical. Or maybe Beckett did not throw any curves in 2006 because of blisters on his hand! Which factor could matter more?
Along with wife Karen, Varitek has become a fixture in community endeavors. This season, he hosted the second annual Jason Varitek Celebrity Putt-Putt Tournament, with proceeds going to Boston Children's Hospital.
For the last four years, Varitek has run a "Tek's 33" program, in which kids from Children's Hospital come to Fenway Park and meet Varitek, while enjoying batting practice and watching a game.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Introducing TekWatch
This is the first in a series of TekWatch posts, which point out the many manifestations of Jason Varitek's overratedness.
"Tek" is the Red Sox catcher. By objective standards, Tek is mediocre to mediocre-good: his on-base percentage is a barely above average .350, his slugging has fallen to the low .400s, his arm is nothing special, and he strikes out as often as Tom Brady gets laid, which, obviously, is all the fucking time. He can't even catch Tim Wakefield's knuckleball, or refuses to, and certainly refuses to learn. This forces the Sox to retain Doug Mirabelli, who makes Varitek look like Jesus Christ himself has squatted down to catch the baseball.
But screw objective standards. Tek is beloved. Why? I put this question to Red Sox fans, even before they got plastered for the night/afternoon. They invariably gave one of two responses:
1. He is the team "captain." Why, you can see it right there on his uniform, marked by a gigantic "C"! That must mean something?!
It means he's got "C" on his uniform where a blank space ought to be.
2. He is a great pitch caller. No one calls pitches like Tek.
Isn't the pitcher mostly in charge of pitching? I've never heard of any other catcher being assessed primarily by his ability or inability to call pitches. Maybe Varitek does call pitches well, but who the hell knows? And if he's got such a great sense for fooling batters, why does he strike out as often as high school girls used to reject Dustin Pedroia?
With that preamble, I present the inaugural TekWatch. Like so many things dumb, today's TekWatch quote is brought to us by MLB.com:
Those unnamed "other core players" include Manny Ramirez. Manny Fucking God Damn Ramirez. One of the top players of all time. Wikipedia notes that Ramirez missed 28 games starting in August. Sounds close, and if I trusted Wikipedia for my college thesis, I'm trusting Wikipedia for this.
Manny FGD Ramirez is an "other core player" compared to Jason Varitek. That's like saying the war in Iraq was launched by Poland and some other core nations.
____________________
* Update in response to reader comments:
Thanks for the kind comments. I am intrigued by the idea that people who dislike my criticism of Varitek also want me to spell his name right as I criticize him. So I've made the correction.
Let me note, in all seriousness, that Varitek, while not a great catcher, is a good one. He ranked fifth among major league catchers in VORP this year, clocking in at 23.4. I'm skeptical that his supposed "pitch calling" ability makes much of a difference, I'm highly skeptical that 99% of the people who laud Tek's pitch calling ability are in a position to know anything about the subject, and I'd love to hear evidence in support of Tek's pitch calling making a difference, but unless his pitch calling shaves a half-run off every pitcher's ERA, my point stands. Tek's reputation outstrips his ability. Given all the great players on the Red Sox, Tek t-shirts are way too popular, and Manny Ramirez shirts, for starters, too rare. The upshot is some funny remarks that make out Varitek to be the star of the Sox. These remarks TekWatch will expose and mock, invoking profanity in excess. Onward!
"Tek" is the Red Sox catcher. By objective standards, Tek is mediocre to mediocre-good: his on-base percentage is a barely above average .350, his slugging has fallen to the low .400s, his arm is nothing special, and he strikes out as often as Tom Brady gets laid, which, obviously, is all the fucking time. He can't even catch Tim Wakefield's knuckleball, or refuses to, and certainly refuses to learn. This forces the Sox to retain Doug Mirabelli, who makes Varitek look like Jesus Christ himself has squatted down to catch the baseball.
But screw objective standards. Tek is beloved. Why? I put this question to Red Sox fans, even before they got plastered for the night/afternoon. They invariably gave one of two responses:
1. He is the team "captain." Why, you can see it right there on his uniform, marked by a gigantic "C"! That must mean something?!
It means he's got "C" on his uniform where a blank space ought to be.
2. He is a great pitch caller. No one calls pitches like Tek.
Isn't the pitcher mostly in charge of pitching? I've never heard of any other catcher being assessed primarily by his ability or inability to call pitches. Maybe Varitek does call pitches well, but who the hell knows? And if he's got such a great sense for fooling batters, why does he strike out as often as high school girls used to reject Dustin Pedroia?
With that preamble, I present the inaugural TekWatch. Like so many things dumb, today's TekWatch quote is brought to us by MLB.com:
So what changed that put Boston over the top this year?
One difference was that Boston's starting rotation had three pitchers with at least 15 wins this year and the club's bullpen was the best in the league. . . .The Red Sox also avoided major injuries this year, unlike last year when they lost captain Jason Varitek to knee surgery in August and had a bunch of other core players out at the same time.
Those unnamed "other core players" include Manny Ramirez. Manny Fucking God Damn Ramirez. One of the top players of all time. Wikipedia notes that Ramirez missed 28 games starting in August. Sounds close, and if I trusted Wikipedia for my college thesis, I'm trusting Wikipedia for this.
Manny FGD Ramirez is an "other core player" compared to Jason Varitek. That's like saying the war in Iraq was launched by Poland and some other core nations.
____________________
* Update in response to reader comments:
Thanks for the kind comments. I am intrigued by the idea that people who dislike my criticism of Varitek also want me to spell his name right as I criticize him. So I've made the correction.
Let me note, in all seriousness, that Varitek, while not a great catcher, is a good one. He ranked fifth among major league catchers in VORP this year, clocking in at 23.4. I'm skeptical that his supposed "pitch calling" ability makes much of a difference, I'm highly skeptical that 99% of the people who laud Tek's pitch calling ability are in a position to know anything about the subject, and I'd love to hear evidence in support of Tek's pitch calling making a difference, but unless his pitch calling shaves a half-run off every pitcher's ERA, my point stands. Tek's reputation outstrips his ability. Given all the great players on the Red Sox, Tek t-shirts are way too popular, and Manny Ramirez shirts, for starters, too rare. The upshot is some funny remarks that make out Varitek to be the star of the Sox. These remarks TekWatch will expose and mock, invoking profanity in excess. Onward!
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