I'd Like To Thank Truth, Beauty, Jack Bauer

The second annual

Primarily Baseball

award for

Excellence in Sportswriting Excellence

for the pursuit and achievement of excellence in sportswriting excellence

in the year of our Fucking God Damn Lord 2008

goes to Primarily Baseball.

This site, in its first full year of existence, brought trenchant analysis and unparalleled wit to baseball fans the world over. It gave no quarter to irrationality, intellectual dishonesty, and poor taste, and has them on the run, everywhere. It made the surge work and Sarah Palin lose. It kept the gravitational constants constant, so that mankind could live. Thank you, Primarily Baseball. Because if he can claim to have liberated 50 million people, you can claim them all.

Awards time

Drumrolls, please. This year's first annual

Primarily Baseball

award for

Excellence in Sportswriting Excellence

for the pursuit and achievement of excellence in sportswriting excellence

in the year of our Fucking God Damn Lord 2007

goes to Primarily Baseball.

This special site, in its mere three months of existence, brought trenchant analysis and unparalleled wit to baseball fans the world over. It pissed off such luminaries as diehard Jason Varitek fans, most of whom were overweight. Thanks to Primarily Baseball, the might of the righteous on earth is today stronger than it has ever been. May God continue to bless America.

Hold on

Let me get this straight. Bud Selig is presenting people with awards named after himself?

If Selig were cool, the self-named award would make him even cooler. But it's always struck me that if a cesspool could snivel, it would look a lot like Bud Selig.