Wednesday, December 19, 2007

¡Santana Trade Johan Now Instant Bonzai!

There's a rumor going around that the Sox-Santana deal will be made within days. I've checked it out. Here's how these rumors get started.

1. A man employed by the Twin Cities' Pioneer Press--a paper probably too thin to wipe my ass with--wrote in an opinion column that "there's buzz that the Santana trade could be made within days." Buzz. Buzz. Buzz is less than "sources speculate." Buzz means there isn't even a source. Buzz is how the earth hums when you put your ear to the ground. And all Buzz tells us is that the Santana trade could be made within days. This is necessarily true. There's no attempt to proffer a likelihood or confidence level, because those freaky things would require weighing of evidence, which would necessitate thought, and we can't have that, now motherfucking can we.

2. Everyone else reports it.

4 comments:

Blackadder said...

I have a weird tingle in my left toe. Does that mean Santana is about to become a Met?

Jack Klompus said...

Only if the moon is more than half full tonight. Otherwise, Santana's car insurance payment is late.

Jack Klompus said...

This just in:

According to the cosmic Vibe, the car insurance payment is owed by Santana Moss, not Johan Santana. Sorry for the confusion.

Jack Klompus said...

Does your left toe tingle pick stocks?